Building the Brick Wall
by JC
Summary: After an incident, Beca ran off to live her dream in LA and to forget what happened... After a bad night and a drink or six later she finds herself remembering her past that made her build the brick wall. Now finished! :)
1. Chapter 1

**Building the brick wall.**

 _ **Intro**_

 _She was running… Forcing her muscles to be push to the limit, lungs burning…She had to get away… Stopping was NOT an option…She had to get away._

 _She ended up skidding to a halt, her path was block by a brick wall… She turned around seeing the shadow getting nearer… The owner of the shadow approaching her, not in any rush as it knew she had nowhere to go._

 _Her eyes grew wide, raising her hands in defence as the figure walks towards her, smiling at her, taunting her by not saying a word, just showing that smile._

 _She pleaded, but the figure still kept moving towards her._

 _She was desperate to be left alone that she dropped down to her knees and begged for the figure to leave her alone and not to hurt her and that she just wanted to go home._

 _It was THAT smile that terrified her the most, as a hand grabbed her around her throat, cutting off her airway… And with just a whisper in her ear._

 _'…I win!'_

* * *

Her heart racing... sweat pouring down her face, her body moving about in her bed. "SHIT!" She screamed out as she opened her eyes and leaned forward. Wiping the sweat when she rubbed her face, it was always the same moment she wakes up from the nightmares, the moment when she lost her identity, her soul and her heart.

She sighed...

The rent was due this week, and again she had spent the money on drugs. She had no choice but to try and clear her debt off with her dealer, who she owes a lot of money in order to avoid another beating.

It did not matter that she used to date him, which is why she got hooked and is in this mess in the first place.

Struggling to get out of bed she let out a hiss and winched as pain shoot out from her ribs when he kicked her, threatening that the next visit if she did not pay will result her being in hospital.

She wanted nothing but to stay in bed, her body ached all over, she had to force herself to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom, she tried to have a shower but the water barely came out and when it did, it came out all black as the pipes needed to be serviced.

She had complained to the landlord about it but he just looked at her and brush her off saying it will 'cost' her extra. Seeing the way, he looked at her she knew it meant more than money and he knew when desperate she will give it to him.

Looking at her reflection not recognising herself in the mirror the bruise on the left side of her face had faded but can still be seen, resulting her to put a bit more make up than normal. Her eyes lost the spark it once held, instead they were dead and soulless. She quickly turned away not wanting to see the hollow face, facing back at her. She had to make do with a quick splash of water in the basin and spraying a lot of perfume, she didn't have a decent shower since she arrived here.

Going back to the bedroom/lounge, she got out want she wanted to wear for her gig.

Once ready Beca looked at her run down flat, this wasn't what she had pictured her life in LA to be. She had high hopes, dreams and her father's blessing as well as his support, until she fucked it all up. Her move to LA was quick and rushed. She just wanted to leave Barden as soon as possible.

Before leaving she sat down and emptied a little bag that contained the white powder that she craved so much onto her table and snorted the coke. It was the only way she knew how to face the outside world before her gig at a rundown club. The pay was not good but was enough to pay her rent or it would've been if she didn't spend it on drugs, which was quickly escalating.

Her father found out as she let it slip during one of their phone calls and she was high as well as drunk. He begged her to come back home so he can help her. But she refused saying she is coping but her attitude changed when he had no choice but to cut her off as giving her an ultimatum to either go back home and sort whatever problem she was having and he would help her or she had to fend for herself, thinking that tough love would make Beca open up to him. But it had tremendously backfired as Beca turned nasty and was in denial about the root of her problem resulting in a massive verbal assault bringing up all his past mistakes and telling him where to shove his money and she no longer wants him in her life. She did not need his help and would deal with everything herself.

Whenever she was behind on the rent she would lower herself to have sex with the balding, overweight landlord and would feel like shit afterwards and would end up taking more drugs, so that she can try to forget that it happened.

She had started doing the same with her ex, now her drug dealer, thinking because they used to date he will let her off with just sex. However, he soon got tired of her and it was now more of business then pleasure so the past few weeks he started to demand the payment up front which she could not pay and had resulted in the beating pervious days before.

Since they broke up he became more aggressive towards her when she asked for more drugs, it became another business deal to him then the sex and treated her like any another addict demanding the money up front.

It was his way of still having control of her, even though he did not know the full story of what had happened to her before her arrival to LA, he knew that she is depended on them. He also made her feel even more worthless by telling her he had enough 'bitches' to fulfil his needs already.

As soon as he realised her habit was getting out of hand fast and was making him out of pocket, sex with her was not enough, if she didn't pay the full amount on his next visit not only would she end up in hospital but he made it very clear that if she could not pay what she owns him by the next visit, he would make her pay it off by working on the streets and even then, it will be as and when he decides to let her go. He was in a way given her a chance by paying the full amount on his next visit and be free or be forever in his debt.

He was due to visit her tomorrow night.

She headed to her gig, which was at the best of times pointless as no one paid attention to the music that she would play. Since she had been here she had lost her 'feel' for music something was missing to bring out her potential and that magic touch to her mixes.

Once she finished her set she looked around the place, taken in that the people did not notice nor cared that the music had stopped, and carried on with their drinking. Her boss then entered the booth and told her that it was not working out and gave her, her final pay. She didn't argue back. Her fighting spirit had long been gone.

Sighing she packed up her equipment and headed towards the bar, the only benefit of working here was the free drinks.

Beca took her surroundings in.

The club was run down with just the basic deco and not a place to really hold a major crowd. She did not want to go home yet, as she started to drink she started to reminisce about the last six months on how she got to this low point in her life. And started to hate the person that she had become.

'I _t figures…_ ' She thought to herself. _'As soon as I finally have direction in my life and starting to achieve something. Having finding happiness and good friends…It turns to shit.'_

The more she drank the more Beca dove into her past and can pinpoint exactly the moments in her life when she had cut off people that cared about her and began to start building a wall to let those same people out.

* * *

The first brick was laid, hell the first half of the wall was laid during her high school years, starting when she was fifthteen and aware of the atmosphere both at home and at school.

The first change in her life was her once close friend since junior school had now suddenly became her enemy.

She noticed all the stereotypical cliques… the skaters, the goths, the athletes, the techies, the stoners and so forth, but she never knew where she fitted in and sometimes she even preferred her own company which made her an easy target to get bullied. Especially with her old childhood friend… Casey. Casey was mainly the one who did the bullying, mostly snide remarks about her looks and clothes despite her middle-class background and being able to afford a decent wardrobe. But Beca was never the materialistic girl and would always wear what made her feel comfortable and would not give in easily to peer pressure always held her head high.

"Well it looks like Beccy found another flannel shirt at Walmart…" Casey shouted as Beca walked by. "Anymore and people would think you do DIY if you know what I mean…" The other girls around her laugh.

Beca sighed. Normally she will let it slide and carried on walking but it has been too much, everyone has a boiling point and Beca was slowly reaching hers. "Look, Case…"

Casey slowly walked up to her as Beca called out her old nickname. "What is your problem with me? We used to be best friends. Since when did that all stopped?"

Casey feeling the eyes belonging to the rest of the bitch clique staring at her, took another look at her and laughed. "Like I could ever be friends with someone like you! You are nothing…" Casey prodded Beca on the shoulder. "…and you will always be nothing…" The prod had now turned into a shove with Beca hitting the lockers and dropping her books. "What the HELL was that for?" Becca can feel her temper raising as she began to pick up her books. "I don't like you, I see the way you stare at me you perv…"

"WHAT!?" Beca shouted dropping her books on the ground again. "Are you serious!? I…" She started but then stopped as she suddenly remembered when Casey kissed her one night whilst they were studying and Beca was upset with all her parents shouting. Casey was comforting Becca as she cried onto her shoulder telling Casey her fear about her parents splitting. Casey was silently hushing her and telling her that everything will be okay as she will always have her, as Beca sobbed a 'promise' out of her lips and lifted her head to look into her friend's eyes…

…That's when it happened…


	2. Drifting apart

**Chapter 1**

…Her blue eyes met with brown ones of her friend and Casey had now cupped her face… a silence fell between them and staring into each other's eyes.

Casey then moved her head forward and before each of them knew it, they were kissing each other. Beca tensed at first then began to relax as she took in the utopia of the kiss, she felt both excited and scared when she then felt her friend's hand slowly moving down her chest towards her developing breasts and had to stuck in a deep breath as she felt a gentle touch on her nipple. Beca then whispered ' _Casey'_ under her breath and _'stop'._

It was at the moment Casey suddenly stopped as she felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been tipped all over her and those kind, sweet eyes had now turned to anger and hate. Before Beca can say anything more Casey walked out and that's when their friendship had slowly drifted apart as when Beca brought it up Casey had laughed about and seemed to forget that moment ever existed. That's when she started making 'gay' insults towards her and basically being a bitch.

Remembering this, Beca felt it was her duty to remind Casey of that too, in front of all her friends of course. "Yeah, well at least I am not a closet gay. Besides it was YOU who kissed me." Beca herself never consider herself as gay and just chalked it up as two friends that got caught up in the moment and going through the normal teenage phase. However, it did not help that she never denied or admit how she felt about the kiss as the two girls just didn't talk about, so she just pushed it out of her mind.

Picking up her books Beca stood up and walked away leaving her ex-friend to deal with the outcome of her remark…

* * *

 _'Me and my big mouth…' Beca thought as the memory was relived and down another glass of vodka, before ordering another one. 'That was the first of many beatings I received.'…_

* * *

It was the end of the day and Beca was heading to the girls' toilets before heading home. She was the only one present and wasn't in any rush to go home so she took her time…

…As she was finishing washing her hands she heard the door open and at least five girls plus Casey entered. Beca could clearly see she was outnumbered and being more of a verbal fighter then a physical one tried to laugh it off. "Hi… well… I can clearly see that you girls have some sort of make-up and who's the hottest hunk meeting now…So I'm going to go…" Beca eyeing all the girls up and trying to think of something as she tried to escape. "…We're cool, right?" Casey then blocked her path, with two others now at the back of Beca. "Come on dudes…" Casey laughed. "Dudes? She even talks gay." Hopefully she will keep her smartass remarks to herself and keep her mouth shut.

"Look Case..." Beca did not finish as a fist connected to her cheek, knocking her onto the floor. "Shit..." Beca let out trying not to show fear and hopefully get out of this alive. "Look if this is about that remark in the hall… I made it up! You're not a closet gay…Okay." Beca smiled hoping that's what she wanted to hear and would leave her alone, praying she can keep her mouth shut. "…But you did kiss me." Nope that comment still had to slip, she sighed to herself _'shit'._

"Pick her up!" Casey's face flared as two of the girls picked Beca up grabbing an arm tightly each. Casey then removed her designer jacket. "Wow! You know it gets serious when you have to remove your jacket." Beca groaned as the comment flew out of her mouth. _'Shit!'_ She thought as she hissed when Casey pulled her hair back. "What do you want from me Case?"

 **SLAP!**

Beca's face when to one side as the sound of the slap echoed. "I told you not to call me that!"

"Okay… I won't…" _'Beca stop'_ she thought to herself. "…How about bitch instead?" _'shit!'_ She just could not help it.

 **SLAP!**

"Just one more word. Just one!" Casey dared her. Beca finally kept her mouth shut. "Good..." Casey looked at her friends that were holding her, seeing their encouragement to keep on going.

"…I don't like dykes, looking at me or my friends and I most certainly don't like to be slandered by being called one...And I certainly did not kiss you! It is you perverted fantasy to kiss me." She looked at Beca in the eyes still daring her to say something. She smiled as Beca kept quiet. "Do we understand each other." Beca nodded the best she can as Casey still had a tight grip of her hair. Beca was hurt emotionally as Casey still tried to deny that moment. But, she needed to get out of here.

"Okay I'm sorry… I made everything up! I wished that it was true. You going to let me go now?" Beca sighed with relief as Casey released her grip. The relief however was short lived as the pain in both arms tighten and she began panicking, struggling to get out of their grip. "However…" Casey continued. "…A punishment has to be given out as a reminder and an example."

Before Beca can protest the wind was knocked right out of her, as Casey placed a hard punch in her stomach not once but twice. She nodded at the girls who were holding her up to now drop her, resulting her to land in a heap and groaning in pain. Seeing her about to clutch her stomach, Casey walked towards her and stepped on her hand not causing any of her bones to break but enough to cause pain and fear. "Do I make myself clear, Dyke?" Not receiving an answer straight away Casey pressed a bit harder. "I said do I make myself clear?" Beca had no choice but to scream out. "YES! As ICE…" Casey stepped away, satisfied with the result and starting to head out. "…Besides…" 'Dear god! Woman! What are you doing? Stop whilst you're still in one piece.' Beca told herself, as she was slowly getting on her knees. "I rather be straight then waste my time staring at any of you bitches…" 'Shit!' Beca gave out a cry as one of Casey's friend delivered a swift hard kick to her abdomen, they may be homophobic but vanity is still vanity.

Casey nodded to her friends to pick her up again. "Oh, come on…" Beca trying her hardest not to let her tears show. "You made your point! Okay? I LIED! About everything and you gave me a good beating for it. Lesson learnt! Just let me go. What more do you want from me?" Casey went up to her again, smiling. A smile that made Becca feel uneasy. "I want you to say 'I am a dirty dyke.'"

"Okay… YOU! are a dirty dyke." _'Damn it Beca! Shit!'_ She scolds herself again for being a smartass and knowing this will result in another beating. Bracing herself for more punches and slaps she looked at Casey and saw in her eyes the struggle she herself is having. "Still the smartass…say it!" Beca received a hard slap when she said nothing. "Say it!" Beca went to open her mouth but nothing came out, resulting another but even harder slap. "SAY IT!" This time the slap turned into a fist splitting her lip. "You believe what you are is okay? You believe that it is normal to kiss another woman?"

Beca went on the defensive. "I never said I was gay, you did! But so, what? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG ABOUT BEING GAY!" Beca shouted more to Casey then herself. One of the girls twisted her arm so far up that she thought it was going to break, making Beca scream. "You EVER look at our way again, worst is to come. I can promise you that." She threatens as threw another punch to her face, then another to her stomach. Casey nodded to the girls to again let her drop, she spat on her as she and the rest of the girls were starting to leave. Leaving Beca on her own and letting out the tears of both pain and betrayal of what was once a strong friendship.

It was that evening incident when she realised her love for music.

Managing to clean herself up and finally reaching home to the sound of yet another heated argument between her parents, who was so caught up with themselves that it was easy to sneak in and not be questioned on why she was so late.

She headed straight to her room and blast the music on getting lost in the lyrics and beat, forgetting what happened.

* * *

 _'High school… Best years of your life…'_ Beca thought bitterly as she remembers the treatment she received for being different. After that incident, she tried to stay out of Casey and the rest of the bitch clique way but every time Casey saw her she would shout the odd comment resulting in laughter and insults from those around her.

She order herself another drink as she let her past resurface back to life.

 **TBC...**


	3. Jealousy

**Chapter 2**

As time went by, Beca was still suffering under Casey control, throwing nasty comments and enjoying making her life a complete hell. Giving her the odd slaps or punches whenever Beca was alone. Beca did however notice that Casey's friends were not joining in as much as they used to. In fact, some of them were actually telling Casey to leave her alone as it was _'getting old'._

Boys saw her as a challenge most of them were in it for the sex, making bets with one another on who could _'change'_ her. Not realising or caring that most _'rumours_ ' are just that rumours. Some of the boys get encouragement from Casey, making Beca uncomfortable with their unwanted attention and when they were getting a bit too far for comfort, Beca would tell them to stop and their remark will always be the same. _'So, you are gay.'_

There was one lad however that caught her attention. As she was walking pass the music room she heard a beautiful sound of an accustic guitar playing and voice so soulful that it made her heart skip a beat. She just took a sneak peek inside and watched him as he got lost in his music.

She was leaning on the door frame and lost track of time, until he felt her eyes on him. As their eyes meet he threw a warm smile, that made her blush so badly that she quickly walked off. Without her knowing the lad also felt his heart skipped a beat and his smile grew wanting to know more about this girl.

* * *

 _'Michael Gallagher' She smiled at the memory. 'My first proper boyfriend…My only true love. He never once judged me.' Thinking about her first love she downed her drink and once again order another one._

* * *

As again the days went by and then weeks. They had quickly become an item sharing their love for music and he teaching her how to play the guitar, the rumours about her had finally died down making the rest of her high school life a little bit easier, but there was still one person that would not leave her alone and since she been out with him had made her life even worse.

Casey saw how loved up they were and couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy. Watching her as she kissed her boyfriend and headed off to the girl's toilets… She followed.

Waiting for her to finish and scaring the other girls when they entered to leave, so it was just them. "Oh Jesus…" Beca held her chest as Casey gave her a scare, Beca sighed as she watched Casey in the mirror as she washed her hands. "…Let me guess you here to give me yet another beating? It's getting old now don't you think? Even your friends have better things to do." Casey stepped up to her personal space, making her tense up. Her face was close to Beca's, taking her scent in. Grabbing Beca's hands pinning them against the wall. "Casey…What are you doing?"

"Do you still think about it?" Casey whispered. "Think about what?"

"Our kiss?" Casey kissed Beca on the lips, that was not returned. "…How we got caught in the moment…" Beca tried to push away but Casey's grip tightens on her wrists. "Case…" Beca tried to get through to her. "…Casey. Stop it!" Casey stopped but still held her wrists. "What's wrong with you? I tried bringing this up since it happened but you refused and instead of talking about it. You denied it and spread rumours about me. It is you! That is gay, not me. Only you can't face it." Casey let her go and watched Beca rub each wrist. "Look..." Beca sighed. "I am not judging you, okay? I understand now that we are on a different path, it happens. Can we at least be pleasant?" Beca was about to walk off when Casey stopped her. "Case…Casey…Let me pass. Please?"

"Remember I had you first."

"What?" Her eyes opened wide as she realised what the cause of her upset is.

"I was your first kiss… He will not experience that…" She smirked. "…I win!"

"What the hell? Wait a minute. Are you jealous, of us? Is that why you are being a bigger bitch than usual these past few months? Because I am with him and not you?" Her questions were confirmed when Casey did not reply. Beca let out a small laugh. "You know something… I can actually forgive you for all the abuse you have put me through as you struggle with your own sexuality. But no way in HELL I am letting you ruin this for me…" Beca's boiling point had been reached. "…Now move out of my way." As Beca shoulder barged her, Casey grabbed onto her arm. "Let me go!"

"Else?"

"You really want to find out? This time I will not let you beat me." It was easy for Casey to push Beca back into the wall again pinning her wrists but Becca this time putting up a fight, Casey was now trying to place another kiss.

The slamming of the door surprised Casey who still was struggling on coming to terms with her own sexuality in public punched Beca who landed on the ground. "What the fuck Casey?" Shouted one of the girls who saw what happened.

"She came on to me! She the one that kissed me! She's nothing but a dirty dyke." She turned to Beca and began kicking her as she still was on the floor. "Casey…Stop it!" The distraction was what Beca needed, she grabbed Casey leg and with as much force as she could master push her to the ground and her being on top. With everything that Casey had put her through these over the past year or so and her parents fighting, it all came out as Beca was now punching back. Some girls stood to watch one ran to get a teacher and another went towards the fighting girls to pull them apart with was now turning in a full-blown fight.

After the fight the two girls never spoke again and it wasn't until a week later that Casey had taken her own life as news broke out she was gay and could not handle the backlash

The two loved up teenagers were sitting on a picnic table not looking at anything in particular but just taking in the peace and quiet before the boyfriend asked his girlfriend what was on her mind.

"You want to talk about it?" Michael asked his girlfriend as he put his arm around her and pulled her close, placing a kiss on her forehead. "There's nothing to talk about." Beca replied as she took in the comfort and love, Michael offered her.

"Beca…"

"Look… I'm not denying we started being friends, best friends… It was her choice how it ended. It's not worth talking about. We had both moved on."

"Do you want to go to her funeral?" Michael already knew the answer before he asked the question.

"No…"

"Okay…" Michael side glanced at his girlfriend not missing the single teardrop that rolled down her cheek and watched her quickly wiped it off. "Tomorrow will do whatever you want. I take you wherever you want to go."

"I would like that." Beca showed a smile at Michael, who smiled back at her. As they kissed, Beca could not hold it in anymore she broke down on his shoulder and released her own personal pain. "If only she would have talk to me then…" Michael did not say anything, did not interrupt her as he knew she needed to let it all out.

Else she would retreat into her shell and he witness first-hand how reckless she can be once she puts that wall up.

 **TBC... The love of a boyfriend..**


	4. The Love of A Boyfriend

**Chapter 3**

Michael Gallagher was a sweet guy, musically gifted and a good soul. He caught the eye of the petite brunette hair girl, he smiled at her, catching her eye and laughed on the inside when he saw her blush and she quickly walked off.

Don't asked how he knew, but he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with that girl. "Hey…" He heard his friend called out to him. "I wouldn't waste my time on her, if I was you."

"Why not?" Michael asked. "Haven't you heard?"

"Heard what?"

"Rumour has it that she likes the carpet more than the pipe." Michael looked at his best friend with a raised eyebrow "Really?"

"What?" His friend asked innocently. "Now I know why you are single, if your chat up lines are anything like that..." Michael laughed and carried on playing the guitar. "Besides… You know I don't pay attention to rumours."

"All I'm saying man, don't have your hopes up." Michael just smiled at his friend before taking one last look at the door way in a way hoping the petite girl would return.

It was near the end of the school day and Beca tried to rush out before Casey gets a chance to hurt her.

In her rush, she did not pay attention to where she was going and bumped into someone sending them both on the floor.

After everything she been through, fear got the better of her, she quickly stood up and apologised profusely to the person she ran into. "Ahem… Sorry" Well apologised the best she could. "It's you."

"Excuse me?"

"You're the girl that peeked into the music room." He saw Beca blushed. "Yep! You defiantly the one…" He then lowered his voice into a whisper. "I could never forget a girl who blushes so quick…" Beca couldn't help it as she felt herself getting hotter. "…Or so easily…"

Beca couldn't find her voice, she got lost in his hazel eyes and his smile, so gentle and so genuine. "How about we start with hi?" Beca smiled back and nodded her head, letting out a small laugh. "Yep…I…I..Can do that." Michael laughed again, when Beca went silent. "Oh…Oh you want me to start?" Seeing Michael nod and Beca held her hand out. "Hi I'm Beca…Beca Mitchell" Michael accepted her hand and shook it. "Hi…I'm Michael…Michael Gallagher" They stood in silence, getting lost in each other's eyes…

…Until they heard a not so subtle cough. "And I'm Nathan… Michael's friend." Beca turned to face Nathan. "Sorry." Beca apologise. "I'm over it" Nathan smiled, but did not shut up as he saw how they stared in each other's eyes. "Oh for the love of buddha and all holy gods…Okay girl are you gay?"

"What!?"

"Nathan!"

"Do you fancy placing the kiss on the 'lips' or on the eyes and nose…" Seeing the lost look on Beca but the knowing look on his friend's face as he shook his head. "Do you prefer the planet Mars or Venus? Carpet or…"

As Nathan was going to finish his sentence. Micheal clamped it shut with his hand. "Forgive him…If he was to audition for the Scarecrow role for the Wizard of OZ he will win it every time…"

Nathan mumbled at the insult. "…He heard the rumour about you and his being a bit over protected towards me."

"Oh… That rumour! You know it just a rumour, right?" If Beca wanted the ground to swallow her up, now would be a good time. She turned away, but Micheal took his hand away from Nathan's mouth and gently placed his hand on her chin to face him. "I am not the kind of person to pay attention to rumours."

"So? Girl! Do you fancy going on a date with my man here?" Nathan put his arm around his best mate's shoulder as he interrupted a beautiful moment between the two. "You don't have to answer that now…" Michael saw how uneasy Beca looked so he made it easy on her by suggesting a simple lunch date tomorrow and Beca accepted.

All three of them exited the school grounds, but Beca had something on her mind. "Nathan, I got the reference regarding Venus and Mars… But kissing on the lips or eyes and nose?" She turned to Michael who just shook his head. Then it hit her when she thought about the different set of 'lips'. "Oh…Oh…EW! Gross!" Michael laughed and stop mid walk. "So I shall see you tomorrow?"

"We go to the same school so yeah…" Beca could kick herself she didn't mean to say it like that. "I'm sorry that was rude I…" Beca stopped when she felt Michael's lips on her's.

Pulling away Michael couldn't stop smiling as he watched Beca walking towards her car.

"You really do like her, don't you?"

"Yeah, man I do… " Michael's smile never left his face as he watched Beca's car and his heart never beat as fast.

 **TBC...**


	5. When your Heart breaks

**Hi guys! I extended this chapter hope you like!**

 **Warning: Drug references and sexual activity (not to sexual...Yet!)**

 **Chapter 4**

 **She felt the salty tears running down her cheeks as she reminiscence about her first love. 'shit!' If only he was still here now. She felt a pain in her chest as her heart was breaking once more. Telling herself she did not want to feel this way again. She had never felt love as much as she did with Michael. Not even with Jesse!**

 **Jesse was, if she was true to herself, he was just there at the right moment. He had to be in her face to get her attention, mucking about with old record covers to make her laugh, let's face it, it took a LOT to make her smile. But in the end. It paid off. She did not realise how hard they both had to keep their relationship going as both were busy when they reached their final year.**

 **Beca remembered that Michael just knew when she was upset, he did not once push her to tell him what had upset her. All he had to do was play his guitar and she would listen to him then out of nowhere she would find herself telling him everything that was upsetting her… Ended up telling about Casey and her parents plus how she was struggling with school and did not know what direction she was heading in after she finished school. Michael saw her through her lowest times and he would pull her out of it with either singing a song that he knew she loved or by just being there as her shoulder to cry on.**

 **There was that one time however, that they had a huge argument and he saw her at her worst point.**

 **The time she lost herself…**

* * *

One day Beca had enough with everything that's going on with her life at the moment, her parents had divorced, she fought with Casey, her school work was starting to stuffer, yet again and the arguments with her mum just got worse.

The next day at school she sported a bruised on her cheek, which was given to her by her mum about the fight with Casey.

Truthfully it was not first time her mother had given her a bruise since her father left the family home and there was that one time, when her mother got so drunk and angry with her she used her belt on her back, lucky if you can call it that! None of the hits broke the skin.

She was just tired of all the drama, of all the covering up for people that hurt her to hide her own pain, who would notice anyway? No one would stop her and ask if she was okay they would just assume that she got it in the fight.

Beca was in her own world until hearing her name brought her out of her daze. "Hey… Beca did you not hear me?"

"Sorry I was in my own world."

"So, I see." Michael look closely at his girlfriend's cheek. "So, who was it this time? Your mother or Casey."

"Fuck you!" Beca retorted back before turning her back on him. He ran up to her and again got in her face and sighed. "Look I'm sorry, okay! What's wrong? Tell me so I can help you!"

"Like you helped that girl by giving her mouth to mouth?" Michael looked at her knowing he made a mistake. He didn't even know why he kissed another girl…Well deep down he did and as soon as realise what he had done, he regretted it, knowing he had made a HUGE mistake. But, he did and it was too late and he could not reverse time. The best he can hope for was for Beca to give him the chance to make it up to her.

It also did not help that the kissed happened a few days after they first slept together. "I love you, that kiss…I don't know why I did it? But I will make up to you, I promise."

"Promises are cheap…" Beca again began to walk off but Michael grabbed her arm. "Michael let go…"

"Beca what can I do to make it up to you?" Beca let out a smile laugh as she stopped struggling in his grip. "You can leave me alone. After what I told you about my father. You go and do the exact same thing!"

"I am not your father Beca, it was only a kiss a stupid kiss."

"A pointless kiss is all it takes to destroy a heart and cause a tsunami of tears."

"Beca…"

"NO!" Beca teared her arm out of his grip. "I love you! I gave away my heart, my soul, my very being…." She quietens her voice to a whisper "…My virginity to you! And you go and take the piss, risking what we had…all for a stupid kiss? That what? Meant absolutely nothing!?" Beca turned her back and walked off shouting a "Hope it was worth it" over her shoulder.

Michael could do nothing but just stand on the spot and watch his love of his life walk away.

* * *

Beca was outside having a sneaky cigarette when Nathan made her jump.

"Jesus Christ…"

"Sorry…" Nathan apologised. "What's up? Buttercup!" Beca could not help and gave Nathan a smile. She was worried at first that Nathan would hate her or be jealous of her and Michael's relationship.

She nothing to worry about, as Nathan turned out to be a great friend to her and gave some good advice. "Whatever he's done… He is sorry."

"Yeah… Until next time." Nathan saw the look at her face and saw how hurt she was. "He has done stupid things but you have always made up."

"Not this time…" Nathan face had nothing but sympathy towards her. "What's the lad done, now?"

Beca took a moment as she inhaled the nicotine of her cigarette before exhaling it out. The tears came rolled down, this time she did not try to stop them. "He kissed another girl…" Nathan let her continued. "…Days after…"

"You wild things…It's about time!" Nathan said before he could stop himself. "Sorry… Please continue…" Beca lightly smacked him. "You're such an arse…"

"But I'm a funny arse…" He smiled at her, a smile that she returned.

There was a brief look that they shared, before the bell rang. "We best go…" Nathan said as he blushed, knowing if the bell did not ring when it did he would have kissed her.

And the low mood Beca was in, she would have kissed him back. "You go ahead! I'm going to take the rest of the day off."

"Beca?" Nathan called out to her worried. "Don't worry about me. I be fine, I see you tomorrow." She smiled and walked off.

* * *

"Dude!" Nathan called out to Michael and smacked the back of his head, as soon as he saw him. "You do realising what you're losing? The best thing that has ever happened to you! And for what?" Michael sighed. "You know the reason why."

"It a stupid reason! You're stupid!"

"I know…" Michael brushed his hair with his hand and sighed. Looking at the lost look on his friend's face Nathan sighed. "Just tell her the truth…"

"You know as well as I do about her problems…I don't know how to tell her and I don't want to put more stress on her shoulders."

"So, you think cheating on her is the answer? Did you see how hurt she was? She skived the rest of the day." Nathan almost shouted. "I know…" Michael sighed, opening his hand that he bushed his hair with and saw the clumps of hair. Nathan soften when his eyes dropped to his friend's hand. "I LOVE HER so MUCH, picturing a future with her and close to giving my heart to! How can I tell her…"? He stopped as he felt himself welling up.

"…I'm dying?"

* * *

 **Beca remembered that day very well, apart from what happened six months ago. THAT day was the day she let her emotions get the better of her and she nearly ended up killing herself…**

* * *

On that day, when she skived the rest of the day of school she ended walking into a local hang out that she knew was a place for other kids that played truant from school or college. Everything was available and out in the open as because how some of the kids were down right bastards and unruly, people that saw them did not want the hassle and let them carry on.

Apart from the odd sneaky cigarette she had never tried drugs and alcohol, the alcohol was understandable due to what she had witness the effect it has on her mother. But, that moment she didn't care and she wanted to for one day forget that her life at the moment sucked. At this precise moment, she wanted to lose herself with anything that was on offer she did not care and one guy had already set his eye on her.

Beer in one hand and a joint in the other, he staggered up to her and show her a smile that would normally creep her out.

"You look lost…" Beca at first considered to turn around and walk back to school, she heard rumours about the kind of teenagers that hang around this place and as she looked around she knew that there was some truth about the rumours. "No…I found what I am looking for…" Beca cast her eyes downwards, the guy smiled grew even wider thinking he was in for an easy lay. Instead Beca pointed at the beer and the joint. "I…ah… Meant the booze and drugs." Not showing his pride was wounded he handed her both the beer and joint to her. "You seem that you not the type that does this often."

"Well looks can be deceiving…I'm not as innocent as I look." Taking a massive swig from the bottle to prove it but it was when she coughed up her lungs as she tried the joint. "Ahhh…Virgin lungs…Maybe you should stick with the alcohol." He attempted to take his joint back, but Beca held it back. "I'm okay… I'm sure I get used to it!" She took another puff and this time through the guidance of the guy she managed to take in the drug and feel the high and her head felt light. "If you interested, there's more on offer…" It was the temptation and distraction that Beca needed. "…But like a decent champagne it comes with a price."

"I have money…"

"Good… Follow me and introduce to some of the guys." Beca followed the guy not aware of the danger she had put herself in.

* * *

Michael was worried about Beca, he knew that Beca can be self-destructive but normally she could calm herself down by experimenting with music when she was doing her mixes. But this time however he was truly worried about her and he needed to apologised, needed to beg for forgiveness and needed to tell her the truth. He needed to find her and quick.

When school had finished Michael along with Nathan headed to his car. "Where would she go?"

"Hasn't she got a favourite place? Like music cafés?" Nathan answered.

"Well she said she wanted to be left alone…So maybe we should try places that she wouldn't be seen dead in, first?"

"Well… We can try that place were all the stoners go? I know the way." Nathan said to enthusiastically. "Why am I not surprised?" Michael gave a smile.

* * *

Meanwhile Beca was letting herself go drinking and smoking god knows what! With the encouragement of her _'new-found friends.'_ She danced with quite a few guys whenever she hears one of her favourite songs, a lot of hip bumping involved.

"How about we take this party a bit more private?" The guy she first met came on to her. "I'm okay here."

"I wasn't asking." He demanded. "Well, what you said was a question so I answered." Beca broke in hysterics. "Dude, she's fucked…It's not like she can fight back." The man agreed and just grabbed her hand taking her with him as they walk away from the group…

* * *

"I hope she's okay…Damn it! I'm such an idiot!" Michael shouted. "Don't worry we find her and both of you will sit down and talk. This whole situation will blow over and the both of you will be loved up again."

"Maybe… Until I tell her that I'm dying." There was quiet between the two childhood friends, but Nathan broke it. "Let's fine your girl…"

* * *

… "I want to go back to the party…" Beca bitched as she pointed back to where they just left. "I told you, we're having a party of our own." He forced himself to kiss her and in her state at first it shocked her but with all the alcohol and drugs in her system she gave in and let him take her with a kiss…

* * *

Both Michael and Nathan arrived at the popular hangout. "Really?" He sighed as he looked at the name, it was actually called 'the hang out'. "I didn't say it was a perfect place." Nathan argued. "Whatever, let's find Beca."

"I'm right behind you and if a fight breaks out…" Nathan tried to lighten the tension as he looked at the build of some of the guys. "...I'm WAY behind you…" As they begin to ask around.

* * *

…Beca was kissing the unknown guy with as much lust as he has and knew that it could end up with them having sex, even though she broke up with Michael and this was more likely just sex with 'no strings' attach she couldn't help but still feel guilty about what she was about to do. Moaning into the kiss as the guy pressed his thumb over her nipple and then with the same hand cupped her breast, roughly squeezing it as his free hand, heading more downwards where he was interested the most…

* * *

"There's no sign of her! Nobody has seen her." A worried Michael was panicking as he was looking everywhere and asking everyone. "We keep on looking, there's a back room."

* * *

…The guy at first rubbed Beca's hotspot outside her jeans before he unzipped her jeans and pushing the offending garment to one side, feeling the wetness dripping down and making it easy for him to enter her, he inserted a finger inside, she squirmed at first. But after a while, she adjusted and spread her legs wider for him to enter her and added one more finger in her. Her hands wondered downwards to his body, managing to cup his tool and could feel the hardness trying to arise, she began to unzip his jeans…

"Wow…It sounds like someone is having fun…" Nathan remarked as he heard the moans coming from the back room. He turned to see Michael going red. "…Wait Beca? No…"

"I know it's her…" Seeing Nathan about to say something, Michael stopped him with a look. "Now's not the time." Seeing the anger on Michael's face and about to turn around, when Nathan stopped him. "You can't just walk out now."

"Hear that? She has already moved on."

"She's upset, she's not thinking straight..." Nathan explained. "You would know?" Michael challenged as he saw Nathan's guilty look. "How would you know?"

"We nearly had a moment…"

"WHAT!?" Michael shouted. "Look, I explain later but go get you girl!" Nathan sighed with relief and followed Michael in…

…It was then Michael saw the couple going at it, straight away he knew it was Beca. "Here I was worried about you, thinking how upset I made you, how guilty I feel and am begging you for a second chance. But now I can see how quickly you can move on." Michael had so much anger that he could not move.

Before Beca could talk, the man spoke. "Can't you see, she's busy? Go find a slut of your own or you can wait until I've finished with her."

Without even thinking. Michael threw a punch, making the stranger take a few steps back. Seeing his zipper half way down; "Don't EVER speak about her like that!" The man regains his balance quickly and now was heading to return a punch of his own.

Instead of hitting his target, the guy was knockout. Michael looked at Nathan and thanked him. "Thought you will be back in the car if things get out of hand." Nathan was going to say anything but he looked at Beca and nodded to Michael. "I wait for you in the car." Michael threw Nathan the car keys. "Nathan, we talk later about earlier." Nathan just nodded his head and left them to it. Michael looked down on the ground where the guy was and then at Beca.

After Beca recovered from her shock and sorted herself out, she faced Michael and went up to him and shoved him back. "How DARE you!? What the HELL IS YOUR PROMBLEM?" She shouted out as she kneels down at the fallen guy.

"My problem is that I love you! And I catch you being finger fucked by a stranger and with your hand nearly inside his pants. I can guess what would have happened if I didn't stop it when I did." Beca stood up and walked passed Michael, she needed more drink and drugs. Michael just stood by and watch her carefully as she grabbed a beer and a joint. "Beca…" Michael did not know what to say as he witnessed Beca self-destruction and he did not know how to stop her. "Leave me alone…You started this…" She downed the beer and put the joint in her mouth, she knew this time she was at fault and the guilt was eating her up. "Beca… let us talk about this, please? I love you and I was a dick you don't need this!" He took the joint out of her mouth before giving it to someone nearby, who took it eagerly.

Michael looked deeply into her eyes he saw how bloodshot they were, how large her pupils were and now she was struggling to stand up straight. "What else have you taken or drank? Did you take any pills?"

"Like you care?"

"Of course, I care! Why do you think I'm here?" Michael stressed as he noticed Beca was losing her colour in her face and now beginning slurring her words or struggling to get some words out. "I'm… I'm…I'm…a bit…a bit…a bit… fucked!"

"BECA!" Michael shouted as he lightly shook her. "Please! Tell me what you had!" Michael begged and screamed worried that he would lost her. "I still love you…I sorry about…about...about" Michael saw the guilt in Beca's eyes he knew that she was torturing herself. "I know! I love you to! We will talk later…Beca…BECA!"

* * *

 **Beca could not remember anything after that, even to this day; she does not want to know. She just remembered waking up in hospital. Her mother, her father, Michael and Nathan was by her bedside. She remembered building up her wall as shame took over and couldn't look at anyone in the eye.**

 **She just wanted to go home.**

 **It was never brought up again and if it did she would stomp out.**

 **However after a good talk both she and Michael were back together again...**

 **Thinking about how she lost Michael she order another drink.**

 **TBC...**


	6. In Love, Making love

**Chapter 5 In Love, Making love…Then you go and ruin it!**

 **Warning: sex scene**

 **Beca was deep in love with Michael, he taught her how to play the guitar introduce her to new genres that she would never listen to but could help her when she was struggling with her mixes if done right.**

 **She remembered their first night, she had a massive argument with her mother that resulted in Beca getting a belting. She ran to his house as she had nowhere else to go.**

 **His mother answered the door saw how distress she was in and called out to Michael, who came down the stairs quickly his face dropped as he saw her state.**

* * *

Michael's mum had to go to work but she trusted her son not to be stupid as she told him she was once his age so no lecture about safe sex was given just trust and common sense.

Michael took Beca upstairs, put some music on he knew to let her speak in her own time as he held her, he felt the wet patch on his shirt as the tears started to pour.

"She never used a belt before…" She paused before carrying on. "…My mother…We had an argument…She has hit me many times before, when we fight…But never with a belt." Michael knew that Beca's mother hits her but at her request did not rise his concerns with the teachers, he knew if he did and broke that trust she will never open up to him again.

"Does it still hurt? What me to get anything? Ice?" He asked. "It just stings I don't think she broke any skin, I be fine."

Silence between them was killing them, inside they both know want they wanted, they just waiting for each other to make a move. Michael put his arm around her neck as he turned up the music. Barenaked Ladies _'Pinch Me'_ was playing.

They both turned to face each other to say something but instead their eyes fell to each other's lips, Michael lift her chin up and captured his lips onto hers.

The kiss was soft and gentle, the pace was slow but then he stopped when he felt his manhood rising. "Sorry…" He looked away, after what she just been through he did not want to take advantage of her emotional state or to cause her unnecessary pain.

It was Beca's turn to take his chin into her hand. "Hey! It's okay! I trust you. I know you would never hurt me…I feel it too." Both of them were silent, not knowing what else to say to each other. "I'm not on the pill… Have you got any…"

"…Birth control pills?" Michael jumped in without thinking. "No, idiot!" Beca laughed. "…Condoms?"

"Yes…" Michael quickly got the packet out of his drawer. "Find those, quickly didn't you?" Beca teased light heartily. "We can still wait if you want." Michael again reassured her he would still wait for her. _'he's the one! God I'm in love!'_ Snapping out of her thoughts time was right for her and for him.

It was the right time for both to give the other their love.

"I'm ready…" Michael took the condom out of the wrapper he was going to put it on himself. "Let me…" Beca said as she unzipped his jeans, releasing his penis from his boxers, taking a hold of his penis and gently stoke it. "Um…gently…gently." Michael hiss in a bit of pain and nerves. "Do you trust me?" Beca asked. "Yes…" Michael answered. Beca smiled and managing to roll the condom down on him. Michael took his shirt off, whilst Beca was undressing herself.

They looked at each other's naked body, body studying one another taking every detail in. They moved closer to each other, letting their hands exploring each other's bodies. Stroking, touching and kissing the bare skin.

Michael then cupped Beca's breast, gently stroking her nipples with his thumbs, hearing her moan and taking a deep breath, he suddenly stops and looked worried. "Did I hurt you?"

"No… It felt good keep going…" As Michael sighed with relief knowing he was doing okay for his first time. Beca let her hand take hold of his balls and cupped them.

They both walked towards the bed, Michael gently placing Beca underneath knowing she still hurt from her belting, Beca did feel the pain but turned it into passion kissing Michael harder on his lips, Michael getting into position his fingers rubbing her spot trying to make it easier and painless as possible for her. "Are you ready?"

"As I ever be."

"Do you trust me?" Michael ask as he lift himself up and placing his penis into her opening. Beca smiled. "Of course…"

"Beca…" Michael lift her chin with his finger to show he was serious. "…I'm serious… Do you trust me?" He asked once again. Beca saw in his eyes that he was indeed serious and he was in much in love with her as she was with him.

Beca dropped her smile. "Yes, I trust you…"

As he entered her Beca hissed, as she felt her hymen break, Michael was worried that he caused pain but Beca reassured him with a nod and kissed him harder and now getting used to the feel her hips were matching his thrusts, he began to lick every inch of her. Her nipples and her breasts before they both came.

Michael stayed on top of Beca, kissing on her forehead whispering if she was still okay. Beca nodded and he then slowly pulled himself out of her and laid back down beside her. He wrapped his arm around her, as she held on to his hand and kissed it. "I guessed we better get cleaned up."

"Just stay with me for a bit longer."

"Okay…" He saw the marks on her back. "…You can't keep letting her hurt you. She needs help."

"She's my mother…She's having a rough time at the moment she's needs me…"

"To what!? Take all her frustrations out on you?" Michael was clearly upset, as he was powerless to do anything without breaking her trust. "Don't spoil tonight… I promise I do something about it if it happens again."

"Okay…"

* * *

Time went by the couple were loved up and the sex was getting better there were both in a good place.

Until Michael felt himself starting to get breathless even when he was resting and not doing much. He noticed a few bruises had appeared and could not remember himself hitting anything too hard.

It wasn't until he notices the blood in the toilet that he told his mother and made an appointment with the hospital.

The doctors took some tests and waiting for the result.

When the results came back it was not good news. He was going to inform Beca to tell her everything but she had her own stress and was even a bit withdrawn into herself she still opens up to him but not as much.

* * *

He thought of a plan and told Nathan. "It's stupid! You seriously going through with that? It will destroy both her and you. Will it be worth it?"

"She will have you to be there for her. I can't tell her not just yet." Nathan shook head his thinking how crazy his plan sounds, making Beca drop him as she catches him kissing another girl. So he had hoped that telling her he had cancer he wouldn't have to face her heartbreak and had already prepared himself for a different future without Beca.

* * *

Michael followed through with the plan, kissed a girl and Beca along with the rest of the school saw it.

She said nothing, stood still for moment and walked passed them. As Michael watched her leave, he felt his heart breaking. 'Nath was right! This was a stupid plan!' He thought. "You my friend are such a dick…"

"I know…"

* * *

 **'If only he told me that he was ill sooner…' I would have handle it better. Beca thought back as soon as she let someone, shit happens and then the wall starts to be built again.**

 **TBC... Beca gets told, how does she react?**

 **Thanks for reading**


	7. Born to Die

**Chapter 6 Born to Die**

Michael arrived at Beca's room noticing the deadly silence between both her parents but he notices the looks between them.

Beca's father was of worry and concern, whilst her mother looked bored wanting to be anywhere but here.

"Beca…Talk to me…Please…" Beca's father begged. "If it because of the divorce. We can get you the best help out there."

"You THINK! I did THIS! BECAUSE YOU LEFT US, WITH SOME BLONDE, BIMBO SLUT!" Beca almost laughed at her dad. "Don't flatter yourself and I'm not a junkie it just something that got out of hand…" Beca turned to her mum. "Can we go now?" Beca's mum not wanting to be there any longer then she needed nodded her head. "As soon as they give me the discharge papers." Michael coughed so they acknowledge his presences in the room. "Michael! You're here!"

"I always will be." He walked up to her bed and gave her a kiss on the top of her head whilst his heart ache knowing that was not true. "So, you're the young man that I need to thank for saving my daughter." Professor Mitchell thanked and reached out to shake his hand. "Yes sir…"

"Please… call me…"

"You can go now…" Beca interrupt her dad. "Beca…" her dad pleaded. "Well DAD and I use the term lightly, you can see I'm fine not that you care so now you can go back to the bimbo slut." Beca's mum keeping quiet throughout the entire exchange, silently enjoying the scene. "Beca…" Once again, her dad pleaded with her. "I said GO…!" Beca turned her head no longer wanting to face him. "Okay…If you need anything, you can always call me." He said as he walked towards her bed to try a place a kiss on her head. "Don't…" Beca warned, her tone stopping her dad in her tracks. "…I wouldn't hold your breath, I no longer need you…" She paused, watching as her dad sighed and turning on his heel he was a step away from exiting her room when Beca finished her sentence. "…James."

Hearing his daughter calling him out by his first name made his eyes start to fill up and briefly stop. "Not matter what you think of me you're still my daughter and I will love you always." Then he was gone.

"Beca…" Michael saw what Beca didn't. Pain in the man's eye, pain on losing a daughter but Beca was too blinded by her anger for her father to see it. He looked over to her mother and could swear he saw a smirk on her face. "Can we please go now?" Beca turned to her mum. "Okay let's see if those papers are ready."

Once Beca's mum finished sighing the papers they finally left the hospital.

* * *

 **Beca looked at her empty glass playing with it, took a cigarette out and lit it. If it wasn't for that incident six months ago, that made her once again build that wall back up she wouldn't have lost her motivation or effort that she put in her mixes.**

 **If it wasn't for that incident she would not be here drinking and smoking her life away, plus all the other stuff that she lowered herself to do.**

 **She had a dream that she was following through and for once, had more than one good friend around her.**

 **Friends that she had classed as 'sisters.'**

 **If it wasn't for that incident. Her life now, wouldn't be so fucked up and she would not hate the world right now.**

 **She ordered another drink as she smoked, if she carrying on drinking like this she will have to start a tab.**

 **The more she drank, the more her memories start to resurface those that involved Michael were mostly good the others especially involving her mother were the ones that she wanted to stay buried.**

 **However, there was one memory of Michael she did not want to remember, she kept hidden and locked away but now due to her state of mind she remembered…She remembered how hard her heart had shattered.**

 **She remembered how she was in so much pain that she couldn't face him when he was calling out for her, that one last time.**

 **She remembered how much hatred her only friend had in his eyes.**

 **She remembered how she ran away from the funeral as soon as she entered the church.**

 **Mostly she remembered how empty she felt.**

* * *

She returned to school to the news that Casey had committed suicide as it was relived her secret was out, Beca had some people who called her names in the past apologising for their behaviour, towards her.

The day of Casey's funeral Michael took Beca to a place of her choice to take her mind off things but also for another reason.

He had to tell her the truth.

"Nathan told me what nearly happened between you two…" Beca looked at him, then quickly looked back at the peaceful scenery. "…He can never lie to me." Beca closed her eyes for a second then opened them, her breathing for a moment stopped before carrying on again. "I was at a low."

"Would you have?" Not looking at him in his eyes, if they want to start over again with a fresh slate then all the truth had to be told. "Yes…"

"I see…"

"Are you mad?"

"Not at you…At myself." Beca was silent and asked the question that she wanted the answer to. "Why did you do it? Why did you kiss her? Who was she to you?" Michael took a deep breath and begin to explain to her, his reason.

Beca was silent not knowing what to say or how to feel, she just been told her boyfriend just told her he kissed the girl on purpose because he was ill and due to the stress. He didn't want to add on to it.

Beca suddenly stood up and started to walk away, Michael stood up also and caught up with her. Grabbing her wrist, with all her emotions that was holding in she just let loose and began to lash out. "You Bastard! You son of an unprotected STD ridden COCK! HOW COULD YOU!? And don't give me that crap about not wanting to add on to my stress. That's just a cop out!" She looked at his eyes and saw something else in them. "You think that I couldn't handle something like that?" Michael could not answer her and realisation had hit her. "Jesus Christ! … I…I" She broke down. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Beca…" Michael pleaded. "I did not know you will react this way…"

"You kissed that girl not just in front of me, but in front of the whole school…Do you know how humiliated I felt…Then I nearly kissed your best friend…Then…Well you were there for the rest." Many tears rolled down her face. "Just take me home."

"Beca?"

"Just take me home."

* * *

Michael drove Beca home in silence, as soon as the car stopped she released her seat belt and opened the door trying to make a quick exit. Michael just as quickly got out and ran up to her, facing her and holding her by the wrist not too hard but enough to stop her. "Michael…"

"Just listen…I love you, I did a stupid mistake I admit that and I admit that my mistake made you do what you did. Tell me what I have to do to make it up to you."

Beca sighed. She looked at Michael and felt her heart beating faster and her stomach had still got the butterfly feeling, she realises after what happened between them she still loves him deeply. "Time…I still love you…I just need time with everything." She said truthfully. Michael released his hold on her as he understood. "Okay… Take all the time you need. Just promise me you call me when you are ready I will wait no matter how long you need. I will wait for you."

Beca just nodded her head and quickly went inside her house not looking back.

* * *

A few weeks went by with no sighting of Michael in school she had been making herself busy by putting her effort in her hobby to create mixes, she had no idea as yet want she will do with them but she knew she figures it out it will be awesome.

"How much more time do you need?" She heard a voice behind her, and turned around, seeing Nathan, clearly upset. "Excuse you?"

"I know the lad did wrong, only because he was worried about how you will take his news…"

"Oh, my god!" Realisation hit Beca. "…You knew!? That time when you found me and we nearly kissed! Was that you taking advantage of me?"

"No I would never do that! I told him it was a stupid plan."

"I thought we were friends…Why didn't you tell me?" Beca could feel her eyes fill with tears. "We are! But… you needed to hear it from him, not me…" Nathan began to walk away. "You need to see him…"

Beca just stood still and watched him walk away, she knows that she needs to see him and soon, she knows that she needed to forgive him and she knows that she needed to face what was scaring her the most.

Watching the love of her life… slowly dying.

* * *

A few more weeks passed and she still couldn't bring herself to make contact with Michael, not even by phone or a visit to his house, to see how he was.

With everything going on in her life at the moment she wasn't paying any attention to where she was walking and had bumped into somebody.

"I'm sorry… "Then she saw who she had bumped into, sighing as she did not want to hear another lecture. "Beca…He's sick…He's in hospital…He needs to see you…" He saw Beca not making eye contact, knowing she is scared as he is too. "And you need to see him…" Beca was fiddling with her jacket, the inner battle she having with herself showing. "I be with you. Please? He's lost without you." Beca, still couldn't make eye contact with him just nodded her head.

* * *

That following night, Nathan picked her up and they both went to the hospital to visit someone they both hold special in their hearts.

"How you doing, man?" Nathan as always put on his brave face as he greeted his life-long friend. "You know me fighting the cause…" Michael smiled. "I got a surprise for you. Guess who's here?" Michael did not want to get his hopes up but when he saw Beca as she walked in at first, she stopped mid step as she saw how ill he really did look, but when she saw him giving her the biggest smile she couldn't help herself but smile back.

This time it wasn't about her and her problems she was here because of him and she needed to be there for him, through every step of the way.

As time went by Beca spent every free moment she had with him laughing, joking and even have the quick sneaky fumble. They also tried to take each other's minds off the reality facing them in their young lives, by Beca playing her mixes and taken in Michael advice.

* * *

However, it was not always light and laughter as Beca walked in when Michael was laying into Nathan. "Will you stop telling me that I am going to get better? We all know that I'm going to die! Hell, we are all born to die!"

"Bro…"

"No don't bro me! You have your life ahead of you! You can get to have the two point four kids, the white picket fence and the FUCKING DOG! I can't have that! Just get out…"

"MICHEAL!" Beca shouted at him. "And in pops the SLUT! you can have that all with!" Beca deep down knew it was his frustrations and anger coming out so she took it, she just let him carrying on laying into her. "Now you can get to FUCK anyone you want! So, you might as well start with my so called best mate! Starting with the missed opportunity with the kiss!"

"Michael…" Nathan was pleading to let the topic go. "Get out…" Nathan looked tired and at first did not want to move he turned to Beca and she nodded her head to reassure him that she will be okay.

Watching Nathan exit the room Beca turned to Michael and walk towards his bed placing her hand over his, at first, he tried to pull away but she held it tight and she sat beside him being careful of the tubes.

She just laid next to him, holding his hand neither of them not saying anything, just taking in the silence and comfort that surrounded them. "I'm sorry." Michael let out, not making eye contact with his girlfriend. "I know." Beca replied her focus still on his hand. "I'm scared."

"I know, me to." Beca took her focus of his hand and looked at him in the eye, planting a gently kiss on his lips.

* * *

 **She couldn't do it she couldn't watch him die and she regretted that day ever since.**

 **When Michael died, she builds up the wall of her emotions and harden her heart, taking all the verbal abuse from Nathan telling her how she was a selfish bitch and he lied to best friend telling him want he wanted to hear that she was on her way to see him before he took his last breath and she was the reason he was fighting for so long.**

 **When he died, she had an excuse to go to LA to escape the painful memories and start a new life, although that did not go to well with her mum.**

* * *

"She's not going to show, is she?"

"She be here, probably stuck in traffic…"

"If I were her, I wouldn't be here…Tell her I love…" Michael felt too weak there were times when he was hallucinating, times he did not have the energy to talk but deep down he understood why Beca wouldn't want to see him.

* * *

 **He died that night.**

 **Her father once told her it was lonely if she kept this wall up, she replied it was easier because she can no longer stand being hurt.**

 **She again started slowly to let people in, was surprised when the girls waited for her in her room when she got arrested, making her stay and enjoy her life at Barden, staying longer then intended and getting her degree she also got along better with her dad and Sheila.**

 **She was actually happy with the way her life was going…**

 **…Then it only takes that ONE thing! That ONE! Incident to build her wall up again and fuck up her life.**

 **She looked inside her glass and in the dark liquid's reflection for a moment she saw her mother looking back at her, yet another memory resurfacing that she wanted to bury deep….**

TBC...

One more chapter then the revel! Thanks for reading and sticking with it!


	8. Mother Dearest

**Chapter 7 mother dearest**

 **Beca sighed she played with the glass, taking her time to finish her drink. To this day she loved her mother, she really did. Even, after everything she did to her. All the abuse that she dished out to her both verbal and physical, she had a very selective memory when she was younger. Where her mother could do no wrong and every time her mother punished her was because Beca did something _'bad'._**

* * *

Jane Mitchell was a smart, funny and beautiful woman with a future ahead of her, that kids weren't in her plan. She met James Mitchell and everything changed she fell pregnant and at first wanted a termination but against James' wishes and the promise he would stand by her, she loved him and agreed.

James kept his promise and they soon got married and were happy for a while. Jane however had a difficult time during her pregnancy and any career plan she wanted was put on hold as James achieved a good job in a top high school teaching English Literature and earned enough for the family whilst Jane looked after the baby.

Jane kept her feelings bottle up, the jealousy she felt as her dreams for a career as a surgeon was pushed back. Everything that she worked hard for to achieve her goal, she gave it all up for a baby; that she did not want but decieded to keep because of her love for James.

James did notice she was not happy but he tried his best to reassure her that most expecting mothers feel this way at first but will be different when their baby arrives.

When Beca arrived however Jane could not look at her let alone hold her, she looked at James and saw how besotted he was whilst holding his baby girl. Promising to protect and give her the best life for her. Jane felt guilty in feeling the way she did and hopefully the feeling will past in time.

James voiced his concerns when he saw that his wife was not bonding with their baby and he had to step in when she would leave baby Beca crying and in a dirty nappy, he begged for her to get help but she refused and kept everything bottled up.

When Beca was five she accidently spilled her juice on the carpet and her mother gave her a slap across the face and forced the girl to clean it up, when she couldn't she apologised profusely to her and promised that she will try better.

Her parents tried to hide their arguments from her with Jane refusing to seek any help and due to her insecurities things between them have escalated.

Her father was now a highly respected professor at Barndale University and it took up all his time. He tried his best to be there for his family and to pay Beca attention to comfort her when she need it. Her mother was in between jobs. Beca, back then never knew why she could not hold a job, to her, her mother was beautiful, smart and funny. She wanted her mother's love so much that she was blind about her mother's treatment of her and her drinking problem.

* * *

The door slammed behind her "BECA! BECA!" her mother shouted as she ran up the stairs and heard the loud music blasting away. She then turned back to her husband. "Let's talk about this later…" James sighed he again saw his wife drink back her whiskey and went upstairs to speak to their daughter, whose music was now blaring though out the house.

He wanted a divorce he couldn't take seeing his wife abusing her body with alcohol anymore, he also wanted full custody of Beca. He would stay with her if she gets help but she never had and it resulted her losing her jobs because either she turned up late or her attitude towards her customers was awful.

Jane reached her daughter's door and instead of knocking on it she barged in. "Heard of knocking?"

"What the HELL was that?" Her mother shouted as she turned the music turned down.

"Me slamming the door." Beca saw her mother lifting her hand up but stop when she saw Beca cowering further back. Jane was trying to control her temper towards Beca.

Jane sighed and sat down beside her daughter. "What happened?" She asked as she pointed at the marks that are beginning to form into bruises. "Nothing, just a result of friends going their separate ways."

'"You and Casey?" Beca nodded her head and put her head on her mother's shoulder, she did not miss how mother flinched at her touch. "Growing up is never easy." Beca just nodded just taking in her mother's present. "What was it all about?"

"Just some rumours about me being gay." Her mother looked at her in disappointment. "Are you?"

Beca shook her head. "No, but would you disown me if I was?" Her mother sighed. "It's your life at the end of the day. I just don't want to see it being flaunt in my face. But no, I won't disown you." Beca smiled she knew it was the best answer that her mother could give.

Her mother suddenly stood up. "As long as you are okay…" She then left. Beca sighed and turn full volume on her music once again getting lost in the music.

"Everything alright?"

"If you want a divorce I will give you it. But I will fight you for Beca." Warren could not believe what he was hearing. "You want full custody of Beca. To spite me?"

"I know I am not the best mother in the world but at least I'm here when she needs me."

"I'm here for her."

"Really? When was the last time you spoke to her? You have done nothing but put pressure on her to get good grades." James sighed he hate to admit it but his job has it downfalls and taken up most of his time. Every time he wanted to spend it with Beca something came up or they end up arguing over her studies. "Besides we both know that she would always choose me over you."

"You better not hurt her." James warned. "You're the one that's walking out of her life. I don't think I can hurt her as much as you, right now."

James knows what his wife was doing, they had the argument so many times she resents both him and Beca, Beca because she was reminded of when she had dreams at her age. She wanted James to pay for making her have Beca, making her choose a baby that she didn't want and sacrifice her career for him. Just to hurt him, he also knew that Beca had started to be happy as she started to date a good lad, uprooting her now she might resent him. His hands are tied.

"Okay, she stays here."

* * *

They sat Beca down and told about getting a divorce, Beca notice her mum reaching for the bottle. "Dad if it's about my studies I will study harder and get in a good college. Please stay…Don't leave."

"I need to go Beca, we can't live like this."

"So, are you leaving us for a slutty colleague of yours?"

"Beca…It's not like that! And watch your language young lady!"

"No! I do not want to hear this…You can work this out!" Beca looking over at her mother to argue about this dick move. But she just kept on drinking. "Mum! Say something. Mum!"

Her mother carried on drinking. "It's want he wants."

* * *

The first few days was fine between mother and daughter, then when Jane started to go out more and brought different guys at home every night the arguments started. Beca was starting to realise her mother's drinking problem was getting more out of hand she begged her to seek help, resulting her mum to raise her voice or chuck things at her.

One night it got out of hand words were said and a belt was used.

Beca walked in on her mother and another random guy with his top off kissing in the kitchen she made herself known by not a subtle cough. "Entertaining guests I see." Beca just standing there making the guy uneasy that he excused himself and left. "At least this time I hope you got his name. Or should I call him barely legal guy. I mean he looks like he's only a few years older than me."

"Watch your mouth, my girl…" Beca didn't miss the angry look in her mother's eyes, she knew she should have stopped but she was sick with worry about her mother's behaviour that she did not know how to handle it. "I'm just worried about you, maybe it's time to talk to someone about getting help."

"Are you calling me a drunk?" Jane went on the defensive. "No! I'm not calling you a drunk, all I'm saying you should get some help. I mean how many men are you going to shack up with?"

"That is none of your business who I date or who I bring home." Beca saw her mum pouring herself another drink and walking up to her so Beca would take a step back bumping into the kitchen counter. "I'm… I'm… just worried, that's all"

"You know this is your fault!"

"Mum?"

"You weren't planned…You're the reason that your dad left us because you're stupid! You're the reason I am a stay at home mum and you're the reason I am like this…" Beca can feel the tears filling up her eyes and she turned away. "I never wanted you…" Her mother spat out.

Beca put the insults down to the alcohol and made a grab for her drink.

"I guess I have to be the adult here then." Beca went towards her mum and grabbed the glass out of her hand, but her mum wouldn't give the glass without a fight. Suddenly, the glass fell and Beca felt herself being pushed onto the kitchen floor. "Now look what you had done! There's glass everywhere!" Beca hissed as some pieces of glass got embedded into her hand. "Sorry please don't be mad… I'm just worried about you."

"Don't be! But a lesson has to be learnt…" Beca eyes went wide as she saw her mother taking her belt off and holding it by the buckle end, her cries fell on deaf ears when the pain got too much.

* * *

When the divorce was finalised was when she fought with Casey and her mother was fuming. "FIGHTING! FIGHTING!... "

"Mum… You know why…" Beca was cut off as she tried to explain. "What is wrong with you?..." Mary smacked Beca at the side of the head. "…It is bad enough you are not doing well with school as it is, but FIGHTING! You were close to getting suspended. You didn't even tell them about Casey bullying you! If you did then they would help you."

"Mum it's not the simple…"

"Go to your room!"

"Mum…"

"JUST GO…I do not want to see you for the rest of the evening."

"But mum…" Beca received a smack to her face. "GO!"

Beca did not argue she did what she was told and headed straight to her room and again listening to her music.

After Jane calmed down she went upstairs and knocked on Beca's door, when hearing the 'come in' Jane sat down on Beca's bed and sighed as she apologised. "I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I am really trying here… I got some help."

"I know…" Beca tried to get close to her mother but Jane stood up. "You need to speak to your dad. He's been asking for you."

"I will."

Beca from then on spend most of her time messing about with music and found it easier to express her feelings with music, apart from Michael.

When Casey's funeral been and gone Jane did her best to comfort her but she still found it hard. "It does get easier in time."

"Will it?" Jane forced herself to give Beca a hug even if it was for a minute, which Beca cherished. As Mary stood up she looked around her desk and saw all Beca's music USB. "You done this?" Jane asked surprised. "Yes."

"Can I listen to some of it?" Beca could not refuse she could see her mum is trying and was happy to play some of her demos.

After listening to a couple of tracks Beca saw her mum smiled briefly. "You have got some talent here." Beca blushed and in shock of her mother's compliment.

As the months went by daughter and mother relationship was slowly getting there whilst her father's was getting more strained. "I am not going to the wedding!"

"Beca he is your father!"

"He's the one that left me, left us! And now, now he wants me to see him get married with that SLUT!"

"Beca…"

"No and that's final…" Jane sighed as she spoke into the phone. "I cannot force her James… If she does not want to go then she does not want to go!... No I did not put her up to it! I could not give a shit what you do…" With that Jane slammed the phone down.

* * *

When Michael died, she was on the verge of packing her bags and leaving to go to LA to follow her dreams. "Your dad is offering you a chance of a life time, take it."

"I want nothing to do with him and he can shove it! I just want to go to LA and pay my dues." Hearing Beca rejecting her father's offer of free education cause Jane to see red as she had to work hard to pay for her place at college. "You ungrateful little BITCH!" She shouted making Beca jump and fear of being hit. "Do you have any idea how many people will jump at the chance for a free place? You are going to Barden University and that's the end of it! Besides who will fund your little adventure to LA? If you think it will be me you would be wrong. Let's face it without this free opportunity you will never have got in."

* * *

 **Beca sighed as the memories came and went, she enjoyed her time at Barden, she met great people she let her wall down and made friends for life.**

 **Six months ago, THAT incident ruined everything that she had worked hard to overcome her fear.**

 **Six months ago, she again ran away instead of facing her problems and never looked back.**

 **TBC...**


	9. Present Day

**Chapter 8 Present day**

As Beca carried on wallowing in self-pity, kicking herself on the way she treated her father after the last phone call.

She didn't hear the chair being pulled up beside her.

"Anyone sitting here?" Beca inwardly smile as she recognises a voice that was not heard that often. "Silent Lilly…" She turned and faced her. "…What brings you here? If I cannot guess."

"You have a lot of people worried about you. But me personally? I'm just here to have a drink with a friend." Lily ordered her drink, Beca just gave a small inward laugh as she raised her glass to take another sip.

Lily looked around the small club. "This is not where I thought you would been seen dead working as a DJ."

"That makes the two of us…I had plans…Dreams. Good thing? I get free drinks…" Beca holding the glass up in the air. "…Well I used to…"

"So, I see." Silence between them as they drank was deafening. Until Beca turned to face her given Lilly her full attention. "…And I just got fired, so tonight was my last night…" Beca tried to laugh it off before she continued. "…You're here again, because…?" Lily sighed as she put her own drink back down. "Like I said to have a drink with a friend. You look like you could use one."

"Those are few and far in between. I am fine…You don't have to worry about me. I survive somehow I always do." Beca replied knowing Lily wasn't telling the truth but dropped the subject for now and given Lily a force smile. "Is that why you haven't spoken to anyone since you left without a word? Especially Chloe? You forget I was there, that day with her. I saw what happened." At this point Beca ordered another drink which she quickly downed, before ordering another. "How did you find where I was?"

"You forget I have my ways…" Lily said in a serious tone.

"You asked my dad, didn't you?"

"I asked your dad…" Lily smiled. "Like I said you have a lot of people who are worried."

"Even Chloe? After what I did?"

"Especially her." Beca at this point was playing with her glass, watching the dark liquid swirling around. "So why is it just you and not the others?"

"Would you have talk to them? Or push them away, like you have been doing since that day?" Again, that silence. "There's nothing to talk about, so it was nice to see you and you tell the rest that I am fine." Beca finished her drink before standing up and getting ready to leave.

She took a few steps before stopping as she heard what Lily said. To other people it was just a whisper but Beca got used to her quiet voice to her it was loud and clear and made her stop in her steps and for a brief moment cause her to look back at Lily...

..."Not even about the rape?"

 **TBC in Knocking Down the Wall**

 **Thanks for reading**


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